pls look at instructor comments and pls correct the paper.

I think the draft needs more work on organization and presenting an overall description that you then dissect in order to present your overall claim. Also, in regards to the overall claim–Honestly, when I see this ad, I see the “gets you here” as a sexualized message—I think the first two figures are clearly male, and where it gets him (the third image) is to a place where two presumably naked women are on his arms. That’s a pretty specific message, and a sexist one (from a feminist perspective), and it’s an appeal to a kind of juvenile sex-obsessed masculinity—which is what Axe does in its advertising. Their basic approach is “use our product and you will get chicks!” Also, isn’t there a lot of language beneath the image in the ad that should also be addressed?

Remember, your job is to detect what is the UNDERNEATH message they are sending, not the surface message.

Your first two writing assignments ask you to analyze and interpret two print advertisements. Ads are always persuasive, in the sense that they want to convince you of something. At the surface level, the ad wants to persuade you to buy the product (therefore, the main claim of the ad is “you should buy X”). But at a deeper level, the ad wants to persuade you to BELIEVE something about the brand; it attempts to connect the brand with some image or values. (For example, compare an ad for Dos Equis and an ad for Budweiser—both are beer brands, but their images are different.)

Your analysis will show how the features of the ad (the visuals and the words) combine to create a picture that connects with a specific image of the brand. In other words, you will present an interpretation of the ad—what you think it “means” or adds up to.

Your final drafts should present, explain, and support an interpretive claim about the ads you are analyzing in the essays.

The most successful final drafts will meet the following standards:

1. will address the issues I raised in my comments on your rough draft.
2. will have an introduction (first paragraph) that quickly orients the reader to what is coming.
3. will have a Main Claim that expresses your interpretation of the ad.
4. will have a brief but sufficiently detailed overview of the entire visual image before launching into the dissection.
5. will have body paragraphs that present clear, distinct, focused subclaims (debatable statements) that relate back to the Main Claim.
6. Will have body paragraphs that present textual evidence (details from the ad) that supports the subclaims.
7. Will show evidence of revision at the level of subjects-verbs to match more closely the logical key characters in the story you are telling.
8. Will have been proofread to eliminate typos, misspellings, etc.

Page Length: Your final drafts should each come close to 1000 words. (That’s four pages double-spaced.)