Here are the needed correction and please make sure the Thesis is sound.
Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process. Also, please note that Ihave not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development.For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:1. There is a lot of information in your paper on the topic of both wealth disparities and democracy; however, this focus of the twotopics’ connection is not quite established in the introduction of your paper. The introduction is generally a single paragraph thatprovides background information on the overall focus of the paper. Consider reviewing your current introduction section andensuring that you have a clear, established focus for the intro. For help with constructing an introduction, see this link:https://awc.ashford.edu/essay-dev-introductions-and-conclusions.html2. The thesis statement is the last sentence of your introduction. It should state your proposed solution to the societal issue. Considerfollowing this template to develop your thesis:(Your issue) should/should not ____. Instead, we should (insert your solutions to the problem). These solutions create (insert thepositive and negative ethical implications).3. You may consider providing more level headings to help organize your ideas better. With the amount of information you have, itmay help to organize them under appropriate level headings with appropriate topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s topic.For help with what this paper may look like, see this link:https://bridgepoint.equella.ecollege.com/curriculum/file/aab540bd-81bd-495c-8ff1-f2bdadbbcff4/1/Sample%20Final%20Paper%20GEN%20499_final.4. You should proofread your paper carefully. For a complete look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarlysoftware available under “Writing Center” in your classroom. For instructions on setting up and using Grammarly, check out ourGrammarly Guide: http://tinyurl.com/hyey5mr
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